I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize