I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize