If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
