i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize