it hurts more in the daytime
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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