Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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