i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
