I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
