It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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