All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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