Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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