First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize