Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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