Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
