My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
