make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
