Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
