I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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