this just has baby written all over it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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