the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
