By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
