Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
