Well apparently he's into motor boating.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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