I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
