John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have fence marks all over my body
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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