careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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