dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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