Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
