I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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