I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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