Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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