I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
