Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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