Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
