Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
