I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize