No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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