Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
