you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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