You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize