Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
