Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
why is half of my head shaved?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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