I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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