How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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