Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
