FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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