My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
