You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
