And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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