I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pants are for mortals
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