Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
