I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
