I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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