so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
