have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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