I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
