bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You've changed since you got that strap on
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
