youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He passed out mid-signature
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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