Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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