My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
