You just made me feel so damn special
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
