Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
