wakey wakey hands off snakey
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
