"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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