I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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