if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize