You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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