I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
