Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
