you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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