he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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