i wish my penis had a tongue
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
